The Wire
This is the third post in our series where we're working through why financial anxiety often has less to do with math and more to do with who we believe really owns what we have. Last week we looked at contentment and our tendency to always want a bit more. This week, we dive into how we grew up and the “wiring” that has become a driving force in our view on money and finances. I’ll start by saying that I’m not an expert in psychology. I majored in it in college and have not used it professionally since that time. That said, I can easily observe how someone’s upbringing can affect their view of, and approach to, money on a regular basis.
Whether we like it or not, we are all influenced early on by the ideas and actions of those that are around us as we grow up. These influences can form our worldview and our worldview dictates our beliefs and our actions. Recently I sat down with a couple who throughout their adult lives have carefully watched their spending and the savings. They were not extravagant and they would buy the sales at the grocery store. That behavior has enabled them to build up several millions of dollars in net worth and now that they’re retired, and know that they can’t take the money with them when they die, they find it hard to spend what they have saved. Often times in these scenarios the individual or couple find that they still stress about the balance going down despite knowing they are not even spending it
Something that I’ve noticed, that turns out to be backed by research, is that kids absorb what parents do with money more than what parents say. When parents actually model responsible spending, or adversely irresponsible spending, it results in children who repeat that behavior. One thing I remember from studying Psychology in school is that the brain forms pathways, like miniature roads throughout the brain. Thought patterns and emotions tend to stick to those tracks because it’s easier. It takes real, concerted effort to break out of those pathways and change something that has become ingrained. Think about how you think about money, it’s very likely that the way you see it is directly related (either in line with, or against) how you were raised to see money. In some cases you may have had an experience in adulthood that rattled you enough to re-wire your brain.
If you think about re-wiring your brain as a path through a field, the way that the path will change is by someone intentionally leaving the path in the same spot every time and taking a different route through the field. The Bible is actually full of verses that talk about taking our thoughts captive or thinking on the truth. 2 Corinthians 10:5 talks about taking every thought captive. In order to realize the path that your brain is inclined to take, you have to think about what you think. Be aware of what you tell yourself. In the case of this blog post, be aware of how you think about money. What is its purpose? Does it create emotion in me when I make money? Lose money? Capture those thoughts so you can hold them up against the Truth and see if they contain lies that you need to re-write. Philippians 4:8 encourages us to think about things that are true, noble, pure, and admirable. Thinking about these things is like carving a new path in our minds that is focused on those things.
If you find yourself with untrue or unhealthy thoughts about money, then consider what the thoughts should be. Reframe your thoughts by capturing the untrue and replacing them with the true. In our context, if you find yourself worried when your retirement accounts drop, reframe your thoughts in a larger context, look at the long-term plan, and most importantly remember that we are called rest in the fact that God will provide for all our needs.
Next week we’re going to look at the “hand off”. What do we do next? How do we actually make changes in our life if we find ourselves wanting to make changes to how we view and use money.
