Graduation Season: How to Support Without Overstepping

This time every year, stadiums, football fields, and gymnasiums all over the country fill with proud families, hopeful grads, and flying caps, and every spring we hear similar, but important questions: Should we help with rent? What about student loans? Can we afford to support them without falling behind ourselves? Can we do anything now to educate them on sound money principles?

Beneath it all is one big question: How do we help without holding them or ourselves back?

It's an important question and if it's one you find yourself asking right now, you should know one thing: you aren't alone. Of course we want to do everything we can to support our kids, but the line between creating dependence and stalling your own financial momentum is a thin one. According to Pew Research, over half of young adults aged 18-29 receive financial help from their parents. And while that support can be a powerful safety net, it's easy for short-term help to quietly become a long-term commitment, especially if expectations are fuzzy or the support stretches your own resources too thin.

This month, we're unpacking five ways to support your graduate with both generosity and wisdom so you can empower them without overextending yourself.

1. Talk About the Why, Not Just the What

Before any money changes hands, have a conversation. What kind of support is truly needed and what ist he goal behind it? Is this about helping them transition smoothly between life stages, encouraging independence and resourcefulness, or giving them a head start in life? Vague expectations don't set anybody up for success.

Too often, financial help is offered reflexively, not strategically. Clarifying the "why" ensures you're not just reacting to stress or pressure, but making an intentional decision aligned with your values and your child's needs. Define with your kids what success looks like - is it employment, stability, or learning to manage money? Make your values part of the conversation - "we're willing to help because we believe in education/self-sufficiency/etc., but let's talk about how this help leads to that outcome."

2. Consider Non-Cash Support

Support doesn't always have to mean writing a check. In fact, some of the most valuable help you can offer comes in the form of stability, structure, or wisdom.

Providing your child a place to live, helping them build a budget, or reviewing job offers together can be just as impactful, if not more, than financial assistance. You can encourage them to take ownership without feeling like they're going it alone. Some ideas of non-cash support:

• Offer to temporarily cover housing with a timeline (an apartment for 3-6 months, their dorm freshman year, etc.).
• Sit down together and help them build a basic budget or set up their online banking.
• Role-play financial firsts with them (negotiating salary, setting up benefits, or evaluating student loans and managing payments).

3. Open Doors, Not Just Wallets

When parents feel pressure to help financially, it's often because their child is stuck or unsure of what comes next. Sometimes, the best way to help isn't through funding, but through connecting.

Help them grow their professional network, learn new skills, or get exposure to real-world opportunities. These can pave a path toward financial independence far better than a blank check can.

• Help them make introductions to mentors, professionals, or former colleagues who can offer advice or job leads.
• Encourage job shadowing or informational interviews in their field of interest.
• Offer to help pay for learning resources: online courses, resume workshops, or job search platforms.

4. Don't Derail Your Own Plans

One of the biggest pitfalls for parents is helping to the point of personal setback. You want to give generously, but if that generosity jeopardizes your own retirement or emergency fund, it may not be the help you think it is.

Remember: the best gift you can give your child is not becoming financially dependent on them later in life.

• Set a giving limit based on what you can afford to give without repayment.
• Create a "support budget" - a specific pool of money you're willing (and able) to use for their transition from one life stage to the next.
• Before making a major gift like co-signing on a lease or loan, let's run the numbers and make sure you can cover the commitment without hurting your goals.

5. Teach them While You Help

Support can be a powerful teaching tool, instead of giving unconditionally, look for ways to pair help with learning. This can reinforce good habits and gives your child more confidence as they grow. Whether you're helping with rent, car repairs, or moving costs, use the moment to talk about budgeting, saving, or decision-making. The goal is to create empowered adults, not prolonged dependents.

• Use a "match" system - you match any amount they save for a car, emergency fund, or first apartment.
• Offer help with strings that build growth. "We'll help with first-month's rent if you save the deposit."
• Teach basic financial habits: set up automatic savings, open a Roth IRA, or show them how to track their spending by category or percentage.

Make them prove the value before you front the bill. Whether you're helping them buy their first laptop for school, getting them into a new car, or paying for their college tuition, teach them the skills of researching and evaluating different options before pulling the trigger. Show them how to look at reviews, shop around for a lower price, and find and apply for scholarships - then have them present their findings to you. Have them prove to you that they have found the best option for their situation. Just because you're fronting the bill doesn't mean you can't use it as an opportunity to teach them wise purchasing habits.

Bonus: Bring Them to Your Meeting!

We occasionally have parents ask if their high school- or college-age kids can come to their meeting to get some exposure to investing and saving for retirement. If you're comfortable with it, we would love for your kids to join us! Including them in these conversations can be a powerful learning opportunity - one that helps demystify financial planning and opens the door to healthy, informed habits early. 

Sometimes hearing things from a third party makes it easier for young adults to engage or ask questions they might not bring up at home. Whether it's understanding how a Roth IRA works, the impact of compound interest, or why saving early matters, sitting in on a meeting can help make those ideas feel real or relevant. 

We're happy to tailor part of the conversation to their level of experience or topics they might be learning in school and answer any questions they may have - no pressure, just perspective!

Graduation is a launching pad, not a final destination. As your child steps into adulthood, the most helpful thing you can offer isn't just money - it's clarity, support, and confidence. When you approach support with purpose, you protect both your child's momentum and your own. Empower your graduate. Protect your plan. Don't be afraid to ask for guidance - we are here to help you find the right balance.